Yet while everyone else stands to clap and shout, you sit there overwhelmed. You feel like you can't breathe or focus.
You try to focus on what's going on and give it your best effort, but you just can't. So you make a bee line for the door, pretending to go to the restroom but you stay gone for a long time trying to get some air and calm down.
"God what's wrong with me? Is it something I've done? Have I done something that is too bad for me to be able to enjoy church again? Where is this joy they are speaking about? I pray... I read the bible... So what is it?"
If these thoughts are familiar to you, you're not alone.
PTSD? What's that? Post traumatic stress disorder. It's what they say you have after war. Doctors are diagnosing military members left and right.
So obviously it's an issue but no one knows how to deal with it.
Me? I say it's just another word for anxiety. That's basically what it means.
After being stressed out for long periods of time, shazam! you get anxiety.
Which definitely makes sense if you think about it.
Every day for 12 months (or however long your deployments were) you go outside the wire, constantly on guard, constantly observing, and awaiting contact. You just constantly wait for the next IED strike or the next ambush. Every day. Every day. Every day! Hours upon hours. It's kind of like making a habit. Once you do something so many times it becomes a habit.
The problem is once you come home, you have a whole new load of things to worry about and they aren't exactly striking an IED.
So the real question is what's anxiety?
Anxiety is a "disorder" where you are constantly worrying. You're in this thinking box, trying to constantly figure everything out, control what's around you, and you can't shut it off. Sometimes it gets to the point that you can't focus on your surroundings, you feel like your head is spinning, and you can't breathe.
I know you've probably heard this, but I'll say it again. The military spends so much time teaching us how to war, but they don't spend any time teaching us how to de-war.
Check your gear, watch out for your buddy, watch where you step, watch the corner, watch the ridge line, watch the alley way, watch the road, watch the wadi....
They teach us to be alert and on top of our game.
Somehow it creates an anxious mind.
What I'm getting at is that just because you may have some anxiety doesn't mean you ain't right with God. Just because church don't feel the same doesn't mean there is something wrong with the church.
This goes for everything else in life too. Not just church or for christian veterans.
You may notice that you just barely have any emotion but inside you are wishing you could be nicer, kinder, more joyful rather than irritable.
You don't need to make a million different goals. The point is to keep your mind off of a million different things and focused on just a few things. So make 5 goals you want out of life.
Then write out the main values and priorities you have and make sure you do something every day to prove that this value is valuable to you and it does define you.
2. Pay your truck off.
3. Run a marathon.
4. Get a job making 80,000 or more a year.
5. Build your mom a house.
2. Spouse
3. Children
4. Your health
5. Your job
A good man once told me... "Ryan, I just wake up every day and try to be a better man than I was yesterday. That's all a man can really do."
2. Kiss your wife
3. Stretch
4. Daily work out or run.
5. Shower
6. Prayer
7. Read 1 chapter of proverbs
8. Breakfast
9. Pack lunch for work
Just as much as it was/is an etho for you in the military, it should still be.
When you catch yourself defeating yourself in your mind, remind yourself that you won't quit moving forward.
If not for your own sake, do it for your family.
You really will start getting better. It just takes time. Like peeling an onion. It comes off in layers.
You just haven't taken the time to de-war. No one has given you the time because life is just busy.
Just make up your mind that you won't be another sad story. Be another overcomer.
Realize that your anxiety is not your spiritual gauge. You just gotta face the fact that you're different now but you're not gonna be defeated. It's not because you're already condemned and you are definitely not too far away from God or messed up too bad. As long as you're alive on this world you still have hope because of the cross, and the blood of Jesus.
You're not out of the fight until you're dead.
PTSD? What's that? Post traumatic stress disorder. It's what they say you have after war. Doctors are diagnosing military members left and right.
So obviously it's an issue but no one knows how to deal with it.
Me? I say it's just another word for anxiety. That's basically what it means.
After being stressed out for long periods of time, shazam! you get anxiety.
Which definitely makes sense if you think about it.
Every day for 12 months (or however long your deployments were) you go outside the wire, constantly on guard, constantly observing, and awaiting contact. You just constantly wait for the next IED strike or the next ambush. Every day. Every day. Every day! Hours upon hours. It's kind of like making a habit. Once you do something so many times it becomes a habit.
The problem is once you come home, you have a whole new load of things to worry about and they aren't exactly striking an IED.
So the real question is what's anxiety?
Anxiety is a "disorder" where you are constantly worrying. You're in this thinking box, trying to constantly figure everything out, control what's around you, and you can't shut it off. Sometimes it gets to the point that you can't focus on your surroundings, you feel like your head is spinning, and you can't breathe.
I know you've probably heard this, but I'll say it again. The military spends so much time teaching us how to war, but they don't spend any time teaching us how to de-war.
Check your gear, watch out for your buddy, watch where you step, watch the corner, watch the ridge line, watch the alley way, watch the road, watch the wadi....
They teach us to be alert and on top of our game.
Somehow it creates an anxious mind.
What I'm getting at is that just because you may have some anxiety doesn't mean you ain't right with God. Just because church don't feel the same doesn't mean there is something wrong with the church.
This goes for everything else in life too. Not just church or for christian veterans.
You may notice that you just barely have any emotion but inside you are wishing you could be nicer, kinder, more joyful rather than irritable.
So what do you do?
1. Make some goals.
The best thing you can do is set down and make some goals for yourself, and then become obsessed with doing things every day to see them come to pass. It gives you purpose. This keeps your mind focused.You don't need to make a million different goals. The point is to keep your mind off of a million different things and focused on just a few things. So make 5 goals you want out of life.
Then write out the main values and priorities you have and make sure you do something every day to prove that this value is valuable to you and it does define you.
Example of 5 goals to focus on...
1. Earn a degree2. Pay your truck off.
3. Run a marathon.
4. Get a job making 80,000 or more a year.
5. Build your mom a house.
Example of Priorities
1. God2. Spouse
3. Children
4. Your health
5. Your job
2. Make a Morning Ritual
This has been one of the most positive things for me. Take some time and think about what is important to you, then write out what you want to do every single morning then do it. If you can do this every single day, it will bring back some structure to your life just like in the military and it will make you feel good.A good man once told me... "Ryan, I just wake up every day and try to be a better man than I was yesterday. That's all a man can really do."
Example of morning ritual.
1. Wake up 04302. Kiss your wife
3. Stretch
4. Daily work out or run.
5. Shower
6. Prayer
7. Read 1 chapter of proverbs
8. Breakfast
9. Pack lunch for work
3. Stay busy
If you idle around too much, you allow yourself to fall into that anxiety pitt. Crawl out of it and go do something. Go work on your goals. Clean the house, go work out, cut the grass, cut some brush, go scout some deer! Stay busy with productive things. Research how to eat healthier! Go do something!
4. Never quit.
Just as much as it was/is an etho for you in the military, it should still be.When you catch yourself defeating yourself in your mind, remind yourself that you won't quit moving forward.
If not for your own sake, do it for your family.
You really will start getting better. It just takes time. Like peeling an onion. It comes off in layers.
You just haven't taken the time to de-war. No one has given you the time because life is just busy.
Just make up your mind that you won't be another sad story. Be another overcomer.
5. Never quit on God
The fact is, we have an adversary and he is satan. The battle is in our minds. If he can get you to defeat yourself in your mind, then he's got you defeated. Learn how to trust that God has not forsaken you. Rebuke satan when you get negative thoughts.Realize that your anxiety is not your spiritual gauge. You just gotta face the fact that you're different now but you're not gonna be defeated. It's not because you're already condemned and you are definitely not too far away from God or messed up too bad. As long as you're alive on this world you still have hope because of the cross, and the blood of Jesus.
You're not out of the fight until you're dead.
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